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Awkward Expectations

January 26, 2013

I offer to you now, my readers, the chance to go on a date with me. Following are a list of guidelines:
1) You MUST have a vagina.
1a) Your vagina must not have been medically grown/attached/adapted for your body. It’s all natural baby.

Well, I suppose I don’t look like much of a gentleman if I start off with that. But can you truly blame me? It’s 2013-shit has gotten really weird out there. You can never, NEVER be too careful.

2) I prefer the intelligent. See? That proves I’m not actually trying to get into your pants!!

3) Dog lover, not a cat lover!!!

This reminds me of one of the BEST dates I’ve ever been on. I actually killed a dog that was attacking my girlfriend! What a man I am! Consequently, my worst date ever was the time I killed my girlfriends overly playful dog…..

Alright I suck at making lists….let’s try another approach…

Here’s a list of my good qualities!

a) I’m good at sex! I haven’t had lady luck in over a year, but I hear it’s just like riding a bike!
b) I’m awful at riding a bike.
c)I’ve never been to prison on purpose! I’ll let you google that one for yourself… … … …
d) I’ve only done meth once, but I SWEAR I thought it was cocaine!

Well, if this doesn’t peek your interest, I don’t know what will.

RW

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2 Comments
  1. Brought a smile to my face.

    • robertwarren permalink

      Glad to hear it, Shareen 🙂 Visit often for more (hopefully) amusing posts!!

      RW

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